Knowing that my partner was having suicidal thoughts was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face. My natural instinct told me to support him, give him anything he needs, do anything I can – which I feel I did.
However, the flip side of this was it actually made me very ill too. I would do anything to help him get out of the downward spiral he was in, but it started having an effect on my own mental health.
There were periods of time when he wasn’t getting better – I had feelings of failure as a partner, times when I felt unable to help because I just didn’t know how to, times I thought he’d be better off without me because what if I was making him worse?! How can I support him when I felt like I was falling apart myself.
That’s when my support network plays the biggest part ever. If I can cope better myself then I can help him more – and this is exactly what I did. I reached out to a few special people in my life who stood by me, I reached out to my GP who also supported me, but I also used the BHSF Connect service on a number of occasions. 1 occasion specifically sticks with me when a very caring colleague actually started the ball rolling for me as she could see that I was really struggling.
When I’m feeling better I’m a better support for him. We work through it together, and together we come out the other side.